BackWho you’re talking to dictates what you say. Review our Communication Styles if you haven’t already. And remember: These examples show communication skills, and do not indicate correct or incorrect viewpoints.
Choose the communication style of the person you’re speaking to:
If you hear them say…
“This is not the time to start something.”
👍 Try this…
“I think we can have a respectful conversation about this even though we disagree.”
- Reassure the person who wants to maintain the peace that hard conversations can be done well.
👎 Avoid this…
“What are you so scared of?”
- Instead, calmly reassure your conversation partner that this doesn’t have to be a fight.
If you hear them say…
“We never get to see each other. Let’s not ruin it.”
👍 Try this…
“Sure, we can table this for another time.”
- Pick up the conversation at a better time.
👎 Avoid this…
“I’m really tired of avoiding this, and you’re not helping.”
- Reassure “peacekeepers” without getting defensive.
If you hear them say…
“Why are you so mean to your sister about this?”
👍 Try this…
“I’m really trying to understand where she’s coming from, that’s all.”
- Distinguish between nasty arguments and genuine efforts to understand.
👎 Avoid this…
“Why are you always taking her side?”
- Don’t attribute motives to the other person.
Additional communication styles...